Erotic depictions of women in drawing, painting, sculpture and photography from the dawn of man to the present.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Disappointing Venuses

Michelle Keegan

We have recently had the results of three women's objectification rankings and Triple P, we have to say, is rather disappointed in all of them.  

Firstly, is the result of the UK FHM 100 Sexiest Woman list.  Now the first thing to note about this is that FHM claim the top 100 are chosen by a poll (although that hasn't always been the case, so we remain doubtful -where are Ernst & Young to audit this?).   This year's winner is British actress and model Michelle Keegan.   Now 27 year old Michelle is a pretty (although not beautiful) girl with an impressive (and, supposedly, natural) figure but the sexiest woman in the world?  FHM tends to put women at the top who will pose for them again and Michelle, who since she left British soap opera Coronation Street last year has taken on such challenging acting parts as Tinkerbell in Peter Pan, will certainly be available.  Also she is due to marry a TV reality star very shortly so that will keep her (and FHM's name) in the news.

Several people have commented on the FHM site that this years Top 100 is "the worst ever".  The top 10 is:

1 Michelle Keegan
2 Kendall Jenner (can't believe British people are falling for the Kardashian's publicity machine)
3 Jennifer Lawrence (can't see her appeal at all)
4 Kate Upton (this woman's figure is so peculiar she actually looks deformed - she has no waist at all)
5 Caroline Flack (there is something slightly putrid about this woman - you'd never guess so many FHM readers watched Strictly Come Dancing)
6 Ariana Grande (no idea who she is)
7 Margot Robbie (Yes, fair enough, enjoyed her in the sadly short-lived Pan Am)
8 Lucy Mecklenburgh (although she is a reality TV star she is genuinely attractive)
9 Emilia Clarke (my vote!)
10 Kelly Brook (her publicist has been working like mad this year)

Taylor Swift

Also announced this week was the Maxim Hot 100, which has always been very much the BAFTAS to FHM's Oscars.  This year Maxim seem to be taking a different approach, led by new editor-in-chief Kate Lanphear, in offering up their top 100 in categories (models, actresses, ones to watch and singers) without any ranking (well not announced yet).  Although most of the women are very attractive their does seem to be an element of achievement being recognised with "relevance" being the watchword.  Clever.  The magazine isn't published until next week so we will have to see if they do go for an overall ranking or not.  Although originally a British magazine (like FHM) it hasn't been a print magazine in the UK since 2009 and is now run out of New York, hence the very US centric list.  Their number one choice this year (this does not seem to be a public vote but an editorial selection) is lanky beanpole singer Taylor Swift who, we would have thought, would appeal to women more than men.  Another strange choice but obviously chosen as part of the magazine's female-led re-branding strategy. Personally, we find her totally lacking in any erotic charge whatsoever and we have never heard her music so she is a complete cipher.

Dani Mathers

The third and final recent title announced was for Playboy's Playmate of the Year.  This is supposedly a public vote too but you can bet Hugh Hefner has a veto if the "wrong" person is chosen.  Again, this year's choice has been, on balance, unpopular with those commenting on the Playboy website.  Playboy featured some beautiful girls as Playmates last year, at least eight of them were absolutely world-class stunners.  Eleven out of twelve had natural busts but Playboy went for the girl with the ludicrous looking artificial ones, Dani Mathers.  Hugh Hefner, of course, seems to actually like women with plastic busts, incomprehensibly.  Now, in this Facebook obsessed world you have the ability, on the Playboy site, to "like" a pictorial.  Dani's Playmate of the Year one has, to date, attracted just 213 likes compared with over 400 for the pictorials (of natural girls) published immediately before and afterwards.  Mathers has slogged away for Playboy for the last few years, appearing in many pictorials and talking up the organisation so perhaps it is more a reward for loyalty than for beauty.  Her face actually looks not dissimilar to Taylor Swift in that she looks rather like a drowned cat.  Triple P has a theory about men who like plastic breasts.  We suspect that they have never actually had sex with a real woman as we cannot comprehend anyone who would enjoy getting tactile with these unpleasant looking and weird feeling appendages.  We did once end up with a girl (in California, naturally (or, rather, not)) who had plastic breasts and we have to say that the sight and feel of them made us slightly nauseous.  We were completely aware, at all times, of these alien implants inside her body.  Shudder!


  1. OMG - the Ancient Hef likes fake breasts? What is the world coming to?

  2. Kate Upton is not deformed: is Perfection. The rest of women are deformed FROM her. Kate Upton is GODDESS.

  3. I'm not sure whether Hefner still has much input into the PMoY anymore, or if Mindgeek (Manwin), supplier & owner of the photographic material licensed by Playboy has any say in this matter. 2014 was a decent year for Playmates, and better than many years in recent times, but Mathers' selection was ultimately a disappointing, yet not surprising result. Mindgeek & Playboy have really had her out in the media quite a bit more than other Playmates in recent years, so one could see this coming. Perhaps, this is a loyalty move on the part of Playboy. But, one has to assume that Mathers was chosen, neither because she was a fan favorite, nor because she was the best looking, but because the magazine thinks she has the best chance to have success as an actress, or whatever other thing that can pass for success is. That way they can glom off of her success later, claiming that they found her first, and thus do some "brand building".

    Those "top 100" lists have gotten under my skin for decades. This obsession of the "lad mags" serves only two purposes: (1) as a recap of who willing to pose for them recently, and (2) a list of women for whom their PR flacks have managed to pay or finagle their client's way onto said list. They usually appear in the slow summer months for magazine as a "bonus", but I've seen lists where there were literally like 2 or 3 names on the list that an average person would have ever even heard of. These lists are totally useless tree killers.

    I will plead guilty to actually enjoy playing with plastic breasts, but it is, admittedly, an acquired taste & skill (and you have to really like other things about her first, in order to "learn to love them"). Some women are really self-conscious about small or sagging boobs, and if you happen to like one of them, you might find yourself in such a position. Oh, and Upton is just a little overweight, that's all, sorry BartGirls.

  4. Didn't know that about Mindgeek and Playboy. It explains why their website isn't as good as the old one and why they have so many European porn stars posing for the online edition (not very girl next door).

  5. BartGirls2 Here again: Thank you for the Upton pics. Again, she's perfect for me and my life is poorer for not having her with me right now, overweight or not. I don't care, she's my favorite and I like them chubby, like for instance or Sabrina Salerno.

    It's interesting, now that we know the deal between Mindgeek and Playboy, that I noticed Playboy US has been using european models (yes, models, not girls next door). The magazine is, I have to say, more interesting in Germany than in the U.S. I recently moved and I requested my change of address, and the U.S. customer service is so bad they told me I have to wait up to 4 months for that to process. I am not happy with Playboy and Hefner and it's pretty obvious the internet is taking a toll on them so bad they barely are making ends meet.

  6. Thanks for the picture of Dani Mathers. Fake or not, her boobs do look lovely. Regarding your comments about men who like fake boobs - the trouble with big natural boobs is that they tend to sag and not look so great. Large fake breasts are usually quite perky which is a great combination. I've noticed since the french implant scandal a few years back, that you see fewer busty girls out and about - I wonder if many have had the implants removed. I do think it's better if women can enhance their assets without surgery / health risks eg with a push up bra, but if girls with very small breasts go for fake boobs I am happy with that. I have only slept with women with real boobs, but have experienced fake boobs from close quarters (literally in your face) at lapdancing clubs on numerous occasions and they always seem delightful

  7. A colleague was checking out show tickets for Shania Twain's farewell tour today - it has been years since I'd seen or heard anything about her and I'd almost forgotten how naturally beautiful she is and what amazing symmetry she has.
    And she still looks GREAT!! Even though she's just a few months away from her 50th birthday, I still consider her top 10, maybe even top 5 in any "most beautiful women" list.

    1. I met her in Canada once and she was lovely in every way (once she had her teeth fixed!)

    2. You've met her?? Ah, how I envy your life.

    3. If you stay in enough Five star hotels you meet all sorts of people!