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Saturday, November 30, 2013

Disappointing Anniversary Venus: Kate Moss




The Fantasy



Playboy is 60 years old this month which is a very good run for any magazine.  For some reason, however, even though the first issue came out in December 1953 Playboy always celebrate their anniversaries in the January.  December's Playboy gives us a preview of their big name anniversary celebrity for the January issue: British model Kate Moss.


The reality


Agent Triple P is very disappointed by this.  We have never found Moss remotely attractive, let alone sexy.  She is (allegedly) a chain-smoking, drug-taking, drunk whose looks (what they were) disappeared years ago.  She will be forty next month but there are many attractive forty year olds around (perhaps Hefner should have gone for an attractive sixty year old!).  Without Photoshop she wouldn't have a career at all.  She must need quite a lot of Photoshop too.  We are reminded of a friend of ours who has a contact in the record industry who told him that whenever Robbie Williams (an inexplicably popular, with a certain sort of woman, pop star) records anything they have to put his voice through Autotune several dozen times.  Equally Moss must need a large amount of digital enhancement time spent on her substance-ravaged face.


Some years ago


It's not like we haven't seen her naked dozens of times before either and even by asexual, skinny, fashion model standards her body is at the ordinary end of the spectrum.  She is just a thin woman with photogenic cheekbones.  But these give her what our friend Agent DVD would call a "hard" face.  Lots of people must be impressed by her, however, as, despite a huge drugs scandal years ago she continues to work, despite what the UK press predicted.  Triple P used to have a (sadly deceased) friend who used to describe the attractiveness of women in various Baltic countries on a scale using Kate Moss as the gold standard.  "She's a Kate Moss plus 1. She's a Kate Moss plus 2" etc.)  We just can't see it.  

Hefner should have just banged $10 million down and gone for Scarlett Johansson, who would have been a worthy person to grace the pages of the anniversary special.  Or Mila Kunis (although we don't understand her appeal either) or Rihanna. Good grief, even Miley Cyrus would have been better than Moss!  Although maybe she is waiting for an offer from Hustler.

Let's just hope that the 60th anniversary Playmate is up to scratch!

6 comments:

  1. May I request some attractive 60 year olds Triple P? Well, 40+ perhaps?

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  2. I have never understood the appeal of Kate Moss. Nor do I want to.

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  3. Thin + photogenic cheekbones describes most modern supermodels. Dull.

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  4. You are spot on with your analysis of Kate Moss.

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  5. I too have never understood her appeal. I think it is actually women who find her beautiful.

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  6. She's a babe , and she gets her snatch out unlike some yank plastic tarts .

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